I was not ready.
Changing my schedule after foster children leave is the hardest for me. It is a process of totally replacing them. The time I used to read to them is replaced with personal study time. Afternoons spent giving them wagon rides are now reserved for a new project. An alarm on my phone set to wake my little sister up (to Frozen music, of course) has to be deleted.
I have never been ready to delete her alarm. Not for a year and a half.
It would be admitting that she is not coming back; that she will not need that alarm again; that she will not need me again.
But now, after admitting it here in writing, I am ready. I can let go of the alarm setting.
Maybe I can let go of her too.