Diapers and Skinny Jeans

Jeggings don’t make anyone look good; let’s just be honest.

But they especially don’t flatter babies with full diapers.

Moms, please, spare your children.




“Are you playing with fried chicken?”

My little sister nods, flailing the plastic drumstick in my face. “Bawk-bawk.”

“No, that’s the sound chickens make. This is ‘chicken’.” I reply. She nods.


“No, ‘chi-cken’.”




“Bawk-bawk?” she asks, handing it to me.

“Sure, I’d love a bite of bawk-bawk. Thanks.”

No Clothes

Little kids are like puppies. Neither likes to be dressed up in cute little outfits. Once you do force them into clothes, they immediately take off what they can and will continue trying to get the rest off…unless you distract them with something like toys or chocolate (the kids, not the dogs).


60% of a Cookie

Little kids are like puppies. They can counter surf up to things you thought were waaaaaaaaaay out of reach. And so, you should NEVER set a cookie down.

You will never see it again.

Or if you do, it will be the little crumbs they are licking off their lips, a taunting reminder that you were a split-second too late.